A sign in a Paris hotel:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
A sign in a Swiss inn:
Special Today - no ice cream.
A sign in a Swiss hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex
in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
From the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
A sign in a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people
of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent
unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
A sign in a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
A sign in a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
From a sign outside of Roman doctor's office:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
In a laundry in Rome:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good
time.
A sign at the entrance of a Majorcan shop:
Here speeching American.
A sign in a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9
and 11 AM daily.
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers
in strict rotation.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
From a Soviet newspaper:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of the Arts by 15.000 Soviet Republic
painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
A sign in a hotel across the street from a Russian
cemetery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet
composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
A sign in a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
A sign in Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it
to the guard on duty.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
A sign in a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner, if dressed as a man.
A sign at a Thai donkey ride:
Would you like to ride on you own ass?
A sign in a Hong Kong supermarket:
For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.
A sign in a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
From the instructions on a Japanese hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please
control yourself.
A sign in a Tokyo hotel:
Is forbidden to steal towels please. If you are not a person to do such
thing is please not to read notis.
A poster in a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
From the brochure of a Tokyo car rental firm:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously
at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with
vigor.
From a letter in response to an inquiry about accommodation:
Dear Madam: I am honorable to accept your impossible request. Unhappy
it is, I have not bedroom with bath. A bathroom with bed I have. I can
though give you a washing, with pleasure, in a most clean spring with
no one to see. I insist that you will like this.
From a response to an inquiry about accommodation:
I am amazingly diverted by your entreaty for a room. I can offer you a
commodious chamber with balcony imminent to the romantic gorge, and I
hope that you want to drop in. A vivacious stream washes my doorsteps,
so do not concern yourself that I am not too good in bath, I am superb
in bed.